The Parody Act
by shinee-pebbles
Summary: Hinata had always envied Sakura, confidence, personality, looks. So Hinata asked Sasuke to help her with exactly that, but will it work it catch the eye of her one and only Naruto? SasuHina sort of. Eventually. ON HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

The Parody Act

It was yet another clear skyed bright sunny spring day in Konoha, the birds were chirping happily in their trees, the flowers in the fields swaying softly, and the clash of metal weapons as the leaf nin trained with their respective teams.

All were enjoying the weather after the typhoon season had passed, all but one. One dark haired teen sat under the shade of tree that he was leaning against.

He hated spring, the brightness, the heat and the pollen, it aggravated him. Not to mention the sea of fan girls that would swoon at him in the season of 'courtship'. He closed his eyes, trying to block out the sunlight that was everywhere and receded into his own little shell in the darker corners of his mind.

The sounds of his rambunctiousteammates slowly fading away, he heard an unnatural rustle in the tree leaves above him. He drew out a shuriken, almost too fast for the naked eye to witness and flung it into the braches. A small frightened 'eep' was heard and then a girl he'd never seen before crashed onto the ground.

He leapt back, kunai in his hand, ready to defend if necessary, while scrutinizing her. She had dark hair, and wore a black skirt that reached her knees; almost completely covering the moderately modest skirt was an enormous fuchsia pink T-shirt. He frowned, he'd never seen a girl so strangely dressed before.

"Who are you." It was more a demand than a question, the girl 'eep'ed some more and slowly pushed herself up from her belly down position. Rubbing the aches on her bottom, she sat up, scooting back to lean on the tree that he had been resting upon. The front of her T-shirt was now covered with dust, dirtying the large white ring decorating the empty fuchsia expanse. She also had peculiar white eyes. After squinting some more, he lowered his weapon.

"The Hyuga girl?"

She nodded, wiping some of the dirt off her face and wiping away the tears that had sprung to her eyes. Pulling her knees to her, she tried to hide as much leg as she could with the large T-shirt. Sasuke snorted. She was safe, contrary to her strange motives of wearing weird clothing and hiding in trees, she had not chased after him during their academy years together, she was also pretty weak, so she was safe.

Sasuke sat back down, keeping his distance from the girl, who had now buried herself into her knees, her fists clenched and a rosy tint of red staining her ears. Sasuke noticed that in her little clenched hands, she held a crumpled piece of paper. With one swift move, he'd stolen the crumpled paper, and left the Hyuga girl staring at her empty open hand in shock.

Before he could properly flatten the sheet out to read any suspicious information that might be written on it, the smaller girl lunged, trying to grab it off him, he only moved it further away. He smirked, he could keep it off her for hours, but she didn't seem to give up, he'd just have to wait until she tired.

A few minutes past, and she was still pouncing around trying to grab her piece of paper back from him. His patience quickly deteriorating, he realized that maybe she would not give up as easily as he thought. His legs were becoming sore from the constant kneading her knees made when crawling over him to snatch repeatedly at the piece of paper, but this only made him more curious about what could possibly be on this piece of paper that would be so important.

He decided he would cut their little game short. She lunged again, this time he pushed himself off the tree, startling her she fell on her back and he used his weight to squash her to the ground, with on arm pressing against her neck, as to keep her still.

He observed her, checking for any suspicious signs. Her face was red her eyes tightly closed, he could still see the tears clinging to her fluttering eye lashes. Her breathing becoming laboured, he put less pressure against her neck and decided to finally reveal the mystery of her crumpled note. Hastily, he opened the sheet with one hand, the other arm still preoccupied. Sharp eyes scanning over the delicate hiragana scrawled over it, he assumed it was a list of instructions of some sort.

: Talk loud

: Hit people

: Wear revealing clothing

: Wear circles/rings

: Lose stutter

: Wear pink and green

: Spy on Sasuke-san

He frowned, a crease forming in between eyebrows. Glaring down at the girl, he got off her. As she tried to sit up, he grabbed the front of her fuchsia T-shirt and threw her up against the tree, pinning her there, if she thought he'd let her off easy, she was significantly wrong. She let out a frightened squeal, he paid no heed. If she was going to become one of the many stalkers he had, he'd have no mercy.

She also had the Byakugan, she was dangerous. Very dangerous.

He glanced back at her, all he could see now was the fuchsia T-shirt, it seemed that he'd held it a little too high and she'd slipped down, only the top of her head peeping through all the pink, small flashes of her bare stomach visible.

"What's the meaning of this." Yet another cold demand was uttered as he brought the T-shirt a little higher, she tip-toed, attempting to 'wear' the T-shirt again in vain.

"Well?" His voice held an unspoken threat, a chilling coldness that he thought would frighten an answer out of her. He was ... half-correct. She uttered a quiet stream of frightened squeaks that sounded something like:

"Na-na-na-na-a-a-a-ah..."

"Answer me."

"I-I-I w-wa-want Na-Naruto t-to l-like m-m-meep!" Cutting her off quite viciously, he brought the T-shirt even higher, the bob of her hair now completely lost in a sea of fuchsia and the pale flesh of her stomach exposed, while her arms were flailing around in the air as she tried her best not to lose the item of clothing entirely.

"Say it properly. So I can understand."

He added in a low growl, just so she knew he was serious. Staring at the bundle of pink clothe clenched in his hand, he waited for the girl who was lost in them to reply.

"I w-want Naruto t-to like me..."

He snorted. Letting go of her, or rather her insanely large T-shirt, he watched the pink-faced out of breathe girl try to make herself more dignified, a hard task to accomplish when the clothes you wear make you look like a total clown.

"So this is about the dobe?"

He spat venom. He should've known sooner, it was largely known that the Hyuga girl sported a crush on his stupid blond team mate. What puzzled him was exactly how sitting in trees spying on him while dressed like a clown would accomplish anything. Maybe she was trying to make an idiot out of herself, so that she and Naruto could fly off to idiot land and get married and breed idiot babies. That could've been possible.

"C-can I have m-my l-list back?"

He looked her up and down. Was she for real? He snorted, scrunching up her note and throwing it carelessly at her, he dismissed her with a small 'che', and began to take his leave.

"W-wait! S-Sasuke-san, I-I need your h-help. P-p-please?"

He slowed his gait, turning around to look at the clown once again.

"With what?" He said, with the same haughty uncaring tone he always used.

"W-well... c-can you t-teach me h-how to b-be S-Sakura?"

"Why would you want to be that bimbo?"

"S-Sasuke-san! That w-was not a n-nice thing to s-say. S-Sakura-san is v-very s-smart."

"Che, you think I care?"

"W-well n-no... b-but I d-do."

"And why do you care? What's the point of caring if anything you care about is going to end up gone."

"S-Sasuke-san... W-we a-are going off t-topic."

"And if I help you? What good is this for me."

"T-the f-fulfilling f-feeling of h-helping s-someone in n-need."

Sasuke snorted, and turned to leave, she made a grab for his navy shirts sleeve, her lavender hue eyes wide with desperation.

"W-wait! A-Anything y-you w-want, j-just p-please! H-help m-me?"

"Fine."

Her face lit up, and she bowed.

"T-thank y-you, S-Sasuke-san."

He smirked. She would regret her end of this deal. Regret it dearly.

-------------------------

A/N I've had droughts in all my other stories lately, so I thought I'd introduce one that I've been building up for a while now. So tell me what you think, funny or not? Because if I can't do one thing it's humour. Sigh. So review! And stuff!


	2. Chapter 2

-----------------

Hinata and Sasuke now sat on his chestnut leather couch. It was the only thing in the room, since Sasuke had long taken all the old blood stained furnishings away. Clearing his throat, Sasuke asked Hinata what exactly she needed help with, pen ready to jot down anything on a spiral pad mounted upon his clear blue clipboard.

Now wearing a set of Sasuke's spare clothes, she was decked out in his usual outfit, the navy blue T-shirt and white shorts since Sasuke claimed he couldn't even bear looking at her when she sported her pink T-shirt. Befuddled, Hinata had no choice but to change because he said if she refused, he wouldn't help her. Sasuke inwardly grinned, the girl was already wrapped around his finger, but for now, it was time to for fill his end of the bargain.

"Uh... I-I w-want t-to b-be S-Sakura."

He cocked his brow, and glared at her, obviously unimpressed with her answer.

"I know that. What do you want me to do? Wave my magic senbon and send you to the fairy ball?"

"U-um... N-no... b-but I-I thought y-you'd k-know S-sakura better than me..."

He rubbed his temple, making little circle motions. Hinata's spirit shrunk, the little voice in her head wailing at her inability to answer the grumpy Sasuke before her.

"Ok. Let me ask a few questions, since you are getting nowhere!" His volume went from threateningly soft to ear burstingly loud. This scared Hinata and she grabbed a nearby cushion to hide behind.

"What was your list for? And why was my name in it."

She spoke from behind the cushion, all Sasuke could see were her legs and the top of her head. Though he wouldn't admit it, he liked seeing Hinata wear his clothes, and it annoyed him further that she had to hide to be calm enough to speak with logic.

"I w-wrote d-down the things I t-thought S-Sakura-san w-would do..."

Sasuke smirked, she got the talk loud and hit people part right. The stutter she could do without. Sasuke chuckled, wear revealing clothing. On Hinata's part, Sakura's standards must've been fairly low. Hinata's head popped out from behind the cushion cautiously, curious about what Sasuke had laughed at.

"Hn. Some of the things on this list are valid, but why didn't you ask around first? You're a ninja, use tactics. I'm sure you could've gotten something from Naruto and Lee."

"I-I did t-try... b-but I g-got nervous a-and ran a-away from N-Naruto..."

Sasuke snorted. He thrust his clipboard towards her, she squealed and scrambled away.

"Take it, you'll need it."

"W-why S-Sasuke-san?"

"You're going to ask anyone who has links with Sakura what they know about her. You'll practice talking loud, and losing your stutter. If necessary, you may hit them."

She took the clipboard, biting her lower lip flashing glances at Sasuke every now and then. He snorted, yes he had that effect on the female gender.

"S-Sasuke-san..."

Sasuke knew what was coming, it was always the same, kiss me, hug me, go out on a date with me... He snorted again.

"W-Why do y-you always m-make p-pig noises?"

He hit the floor, eye twitching violently. Hinata cried out, and got off the couch kneeling besides him, profusely apologizing and offering jars of medical ointment that she always seemed to carry around regardless of any situation. He pushed her out of the way before standing up and telling her to get on with the task he'd assigned her.

"C-can you b-be my f-first?"

Sasuke recovered from his shock at being criticized and smirked. Everyone wanted him to be their first. As expected of last Uchiha, the Sasuke Uchiha, an avenger, 1# uber sexy Konoha bachelor. Hinata, still sprawled on the floor looked up at him confused. He had his eyes closed, a satisfied smirk plastered on his face and seemed to be nodding. _'Maybe he hit his head harder than I thought...'_

After a few minutes of misunderstanding, Hinata was finally ready with her clipboard and Sasuke had realized she wanted him to be her first interviewee, not whatever he thought before... Never the less Sasuke was ready for the interrogation about Sakura, his pride sporting a few purple bruises.

"E-eh.. W-what does S-sasuke-san know a-about S-Sakura-san?"

"Louder."

"W-W-WHAT d-does SAsuKE-S-SAN KNOW a-about S-SAKURA-S-SAN!"

"Less stutter."

It went on like that for another 15 minutes before Hinata had managed to ask the question with only one or two stutters and at an audible volume.

"W-What does Sasuke-san knows a-about Sakura-san?"

Sasuke nodded in approval, silently praising himself for his brilliant work. His improved piece of work looked up at him, waiting for an answer.

"Well, her hair is pink, I hate that colour. She has this really annoying voice that gives me a headache, sometimes I want to use those rings on her clothes as aiming practice and she always says 'Cha' either at the beginning or end of her sentence, It drives me insane.."

"S-Sasuke-san, t-this is not about you..."

Sasuke twitched, another big, purple bruise welling up on his already battered pride. Curious at Sasuke's sudden silence, Hinata leaned forward, waving her hand in front of his face, He did nothing. Maybe he'd had a concussion, she checked his pupils, leaning in closer, she tried to find his pupils.

The table light was behind him, so that proved no use. She squinted, searching through that bottomless pit of ebony black... No. No pupils apparent. She squealed when he suddenly leapt back.

Recomposing himself, Sasuke coughed a few times, trying to clear his mind of the fog that had seemed to clog it up. Brushing the invisible dirt of him self Sasuke led Hinata to the door and told her to find other people to interview.

Once she'd gone, he slammed the door, pressing his back against it, he slid to floor, his cloud of angst raging a lightning storm behind the calm facade. The cogs in his brilliant mind turning, he went through the facts. She'd insulted his pride, everything she said was absolutely innocent, no flirtatious behaviour what so ever, she'd made fun of his cool dismissive attitude... Snorting... He shivered at the comparison she'd made between him and a dirty fat pig... She did not fawn and she'd actually pushed him over, he came to one conclusion. This girl was different... And it was messing with his perfect perfect mind.

----------------------

A/N Sasuke is a little nutty in this chapter, I suppose it's because he's never really had to work hard on getting a girls attention, and Hinata being so Sasuke oblivious jams a spanner in the works for him. Poor Sasuke, fat ego got a bit of a workout there. Any requests? More spacing, longer chapters? Holidays just started, so throw something at me! I'll take a swing :p. Mind you, I am hopeless at softball or eye hand co ordination.. Review please?


	3. Chapter 3

----------------------

Hastily shoved out of Sasuke's residence, Hinata walked around town confused. Had she upset him? A sudden pang of guilt attacked her, and she chided herself for being thoughtless. Of course she'd upset him! She'd basically called him a pig! She would have to make it up to him. With one arm cradling Sasuke's blue clipboard, she brought her other free hand to her chin, she stroked thoughtfully. Maybe she could cook him some food, she was good at making food... Maybe she could make medicine for him... or- AH!

Jolted out of her deeply apologetic thinking, she realized she'd accidently knocked into someone, whoever she'd bumped into they sure had a solid chest. Looking up, she saw a familiar face, with a white toothed smile, rosy cheeks, large spherical eyes, thick black eyebrows and a black bowl-cut.

"Lee-san! I-I'm so sorry!"

"It is okay, fair lily maiden Hinata.. ehh Sasuke?! It is I! Rock Lee, splendid green beast of Konoha who should apologize! Perhaps I should treat you to ramen! I promise!"

He struck a pose and Hinata giggled softly, the bottom half of her face hiding behind the Sasuke's clipboard.

"N-no It's okay Lee-san. Maybe instead you c-could help me with my m-mission?"

"Oh? What mission fair maiden cousin of my youth enraged teammate? Perhaps you need to reach the top of that mountain? If so, I will piggy-back you there!"

He pointed in the direction of Suna, towards a few squiggly lines on the horizon. Hinata shook her head.

"Maybe some other t-time, I n-need to know about Sakura-san."

His eyes immediately lit up, Hinata swore she could see the flickering illusion of fire in those round eyes of his.

"Sakura-chan is the like the lotus blossom! So beautiful! So fragrant! Her pink cherry blossom locks sways in the wind like the graceful willow! Her eyes like the shining emeralds that are found most rare!"

Rock Lee went on for another solid 45 minutes, all the while tears streaming from his eyes that glistened in the backdrop of a setting sun. Hinata had to cut him off after he began to compose haiku's. She sighed, walking away disappointed. Eyeing her list wistfully, the only useful thing there was that she used the phrase 'cha'. She'd have to report back to Sasuke tomorrow, and half the day had already past, with only one thing on her list, she would have to make hast.

Sprinting through the crowded streets of Konoha, she made mental note of everyone she passed by, whether they had any past experiences or any type of previous connection to Sakura, curiously they all spared glances at her or glared or frowned, Hinata wondered if maybe she had something on her face because she certainly didn't know any of these people... Passing by a pink stand in front of a shady looking shop, a large banner draped over the pink stand, Hinata briefly saw the words: Haruno Sakura Fan Club. Taking note of this she quickly wrote it down. By the time it was 2 o'clock, Hinata had grown very tired. The little spurt of enthusiasm when she'd accomplished a list of two things was quickly wearing away. Leaving but a smouldering ember where her flame of determination once blazed proud. Sighing, she mentally told her self never to spend so much time with Lee ever again. Dragging her feet across the ground, she heard the sound of Ino's cheerful bubbling and Shikamaru's lazy drawl somewhere far away.

It struck her then, that Ino and Sakura were childhood friends. Clutching the clipboard to her chest, she headed towards the sound of Ino exuberant talking. She reached an empty training ground, Shikamaru and Chouji lying in the grass, while Ino was pacing. Ino seemed to be lost in a one-sided conversation with her self, mentioning something about loving Sasuke and the feeling being mutual. Hinata felt the tiniest flicker of jealousy, but brushed it off, telling herself it was just her usual nerves that always got the best of her. After all, she'd never really talked or been around team 10 before. Gulping, she cautiously waddled up to them, holding the clipboard tighter, as if it were her life guard. Shikamaru gaze wandered over to her, and he sat up, stretching and yawning. Ino looked in the direction he was facing, ready to yell and scream if it were to be Sakura, turning around, she saw Hinata and her viciously competitive glare melted away into a warm friendly smile.

"Oh hello Hinata, why are you here?"

"W-well, you see Ino-san..."

At that moment Hinata wanted desperately to poke her index fingers together, it always made her feel better.

"Spit it out Hinata, don't be troublesome." came Shikamaru's flat voice. Ino yelled at him for being rude and hit him over the head, earning a soft pained hissing noise from him.

"Y-you see, I need to know about Sakura-san." Ino put her hands on her hips, snorting.

"You want to know about her?"

"Y-yes Ino-san, it is my p-personal mission." Hinata bowed, to show her sincerity and respect. Shikamaru smirked at her traditional clan behaviour, Chouji made munching noises and Ino gave in. Sighing, she agreed to help.

"W-what do you know about Sakura-san?" Ino crossed her arms over her chest, bringing one finger to her chin, she tapped.

"What type of information do you want to know Hinata? I've got plenty of dirt on that... thieving little... big foreheaded..."

"Just-Just habits and personality thank you Ino-san."

"Oh, ok. Well then... Her favourite food is red-bean dumplings with syrup and pickled plums, she doesn't really like anything really spicy. Her likes quizzes and memorizing things, che, what a nerd and she's crazy about Sasuke, like every other girl in the village..." She sighed blissfully before continuing, "Except you Hinata-chan, but it's ok, whatever your preferences, you'll still be my friend! Sakura's the 1# fan girl in the club, knocked me off top spot that pink haired brainiac!..."

Hinata wanted to remind Ino that this was, if not their first meeting, only their second so technically she didn't know if Ino was her friend yet, but she let it slide. After all everyone likes a new friend, and Ino seemed like a nice person anyway. Ino continued to ramble.

"...Oh! And when we were little, we used to be best friends but then she said she never wanted to see me again because I also liked Sasuke-kun! So that's a glimpse of her personality... Well yeah! I think that's about it! Is that enough info, is that alright Hinata-chan?"

"Y-yes Ino-chan. Thank you very much." Hinata struggled to say, she was a little peeved when Ino added the 'kun' to Sasuke's name, but was too busy being preoccupied with trying to remember everything Ino had mentioned.

"Oh and Hinata, don't know where you got that rockin' outfit, with the whole Uchiha clan look! I would ask you where you got it, bit I bet if Sasuke-kun found out he'd kill me. The colours really bring out your eyes though…." Hinata let the sound of Ino's voice filter out as she finally finished her last sentence, then she'd realized Ino had already gone off somewhere else to talk another person's ear off. Getting up, she smiled to herself, her spiral notepad now one whole page full she began to walk away from team 10's inactive training ground, when suddenly she was pulled behind a tree. Stifling a gasp, a hand was pressed over her mouth, urging her to keep quiet.

Shikamaru took his hand away from Hinata as soon as she seemed calmed down enough. He wiped his hand over his jacket, which was now damp from her breathe.

"Shikamaru-san?"

"I want to help you with your plan."

"B-but why?"

"There are no clouds in the sky today, and believe or not Hinata sometimes thinking about nothing can get boring, sometimes even boring things get bothersome. So what is this mission of yours?"

"W-well um... I wanted to be more-"

"Like Sakura so Naruto will take notice of you?"

She nodded, bewildered at his ability to finish her sentences before she could finish thinking them out.

"There is a simple way of going about this. Gather up enough information that you can about Sakura, which you are already doing, and then mimic her habits and personality as best you can. You can follow Sakura for a day, see how she acts, where she goes, how she dresses. Then place yourself in the same situation, and from the information you gathered simulate her personality. The last step, you have to be careful with this one, make your appearance to Naruto, make it as realistic as possible, even some one as dim as Naruto should notice the significant changes."

He felt another hit to his IQ packed head, a soft sort of tapping instead of Ino's usual brain jarring blows.

"Don't s-say that about Naruto-kun."

He looked back at her, rubbing the spot where her very gentle hit landed, not that it hurt, he just rubbed out of habit. He smirked to see her scribbling down notes upon her clipboard. Standing up from his squatting position, he stretched and yawned. Hinata followed, but without the stretching and yawning. She bowed once again and turned to leave. He muttered some parting words before she disappeared out of sight to put his plan into motion.

"You know, you're not as troublesome as most girls and do the mission well, I don't like seeing my strategies fail, just a tip, next time you decide to dress like Sakura, pick the right member of team 7's wardrobe."

She blushed and smiled, waving to him she ushered a quiet thank you and left.

Walking at a leisurely pace through town this time, Hinata read over the information she'd gathered.

: 'Cha'...

: 'Wear Sakura's clothing, not Sasuke's.

: 'Sakura fan club'...

Hmmm... Maybe she should go there? Surely the Sakura fan club knew everything they needed to know about Sakura?

: 'Active participant of Sasuke-san's fan club'...

Would she have to join that to in order to mimic Sakura's behaviour? Plus she'd have to act like the 1# fan girl too...

Hinata's brow creased, it seemed things were getting more complicated and Hinata's personal mission was becoming complex, contrary to Shikamaru san calling it the 'simple way of dealing with things...'

Hinata continued to roam through town, testing out certain words and phrases Sakura was sure to use.

"H-hello Sasuke-k-k-kun...? C-cha.!..?"

------

Sasuke was lying down on his couch, carefully following the dainty cracks that had begun to form on his starched white roof. Vaguely, he began to think about the Hyuga girl, wondering what he could make her do... So she wanted to be like Sakura huh? Become another stupid bimbo fan girl that always dogged him and hounded him for to accept and return their 'love.'

"Che... What a waste."

Sitting up, he walked to the door, alerted by the soft, almost inaudible knocks on his front door. It could've been only one person. Yanking the door open, he looked down at the Hyuga girl, very secretly surprised she'd come back so soon and very very secretly hoping she'd come back because she'd gotten stuck and desperately needed his help. Scrutinizing the shorter petite form, he noticed the tiny blush that hinted on her pretty cheekbones, he also noticed the little invisible circles she drew with her toe. Had it begun? Was she already regressing to the primitive form of a vicious fan girl?!?! What he had failed to notice, was the obvious spiral notepad, firmly secured to a blue clipboard that she was holding out for him to see, one whole page of small neatly printed facts about the pink and green banshee, who people called Sakura.

He stepped back, almost cautiously, ready to slam the door as soon as he was out of its swinging radius. Before he could though, she had thrust the clipboard at his face, head bowing down in respect and politeness. Struggling to see what was in front of his face, his eyes began to focus quite awkwardly on what was there. Cross-eyed, with his nose pressed against the notepad, he began to feel quite dizzy. Within moments though, the white page with print had disappeared and instead a downcast blob of dark violet was what he saw.

Hinata had returned much earlier than she'd expected, walking around town, she'd met Neji and Tenten together and asked them, Tenten turned out to be an expert analyser, peeling away all the layers of Sakura to bare the basic facts. Neji, though being a genius, told her he knew nothing of the Sakura girl and that she annoyed him. Then she'd visited the same pink stall she'd passed by earlier, curious on joining the shady looking place. She'd been accepted and she pondered the thought of whether or not she should seek of the Sasuke fan club and become a member of that too. Instead, she decided she would ask Sasuke what to do, and a small part of her also wanted to be encouraged, for him to say a few kind words at her good work. So she'd walked all the way back to his house, excited with the sense of self achievement, she'd knocked his door, playing all the unrealistic scenarios of him smiling, praising her, patting her on the head...

The illusion had almost been completely shattered when he'd opened the door. Staring at her like some alien thing, her hopes began to fall almost as fast they had risen. He started inching back, bit by bit, like she was some sort of predator. Thoughts and feelings began to fly, and most of them Hinata had no time to comprehend at all. _No! No! He can't just back away! I've work so hard for this! Praise me! Encourage me! Accept me! Recognize me! _He was still inching back into his empty shell of a house, disappearing from her happy illusion, fading, she began to grow desperate_. Don't go! Look! Look what I have achieved! _Acting out on her pleading thoughts, she thrust the clipboard forward. _See? I achieved something! See? Can't you see? _

Hinata calmed, suddenly very aware of her frenzied actions, she withdrew the clipboard, and she withdrew from her shallow wishing well, she withdrew back into her shell, positive that she would never be accepted, no matter how hard she'd worked, no matter that she'd gathered so much in such little time, no matter how well she did things, she would never be accepted. Sighing a little, she let the clipboard drop to her side, her arms limp and weak, just like she let her hopes plummet, and her courage shrivel and blow away with the wind, she should've learnt not to expect so much by now... What with her father, and Neji, and Hanabi... Her wallowing was discontinued when she felt the clipboard that she'd held to her chest in a defensive manner by ripped away.

Rubbing the tip of his nose gently, he blinked a few times, to get his eyes back into focus. So she wasn't a fangirl, not yet anyway. I mean who could resist, the. Uchiha. Sasuke. He pushed the little arrogant voice in his head to the side, and focused more on the girl.

So she thought she'd gathered enough information to come back here? Well we'll see. He swiped his favourite clipboard back from the girl and she looked up startled. One page? Only one page? But then again, her writing was very neat and small.

Reading through all the facts listed, he raised an eyebrow. Wow. She'd found out so much in a mere few hours when he himself had spent years with the girl pestering him and he only knew around three of the dozens of different dot points she'd taken down.

He Hn'ed, his official ban on snorting a secret between him and only him. He Hn'ed again, but she was still looking down at her own feet. Cautiously, Sasuke reached out a hand to softly tap her on the head a few times.

"Well down, Hyuga."

He praised me! He- He patted me on the head! YATAAAA! She could've done a victory dance, or maybe an interpretative dance and she even felt the urge to glomp Sasuke, but instead, she felt the world spin and dim to black and then she fell back and fainted while being cradled by arms that came out of nowhere.

Sasuke stared warily at this weird girl. She was _so weird_... He'd seen girls swoon over him, seen them beg at his feet, even be willing to lick the dirt of his shoes, but hop around on their feet, ecstatically happy while practically hugging themselves and then fainting..? Well, the fan girls always fainted, but everything else was practically too embarrassing to be done in public even for Naruto, unless of course there was a dare or promise of ramen behind it. Still... Girls usually tried to flaunt and impress him, not embarrass themselves... Well from his perspective, flaunting was a whole another level of embarrassing yourself, but Hinata sure was _weird_...

Meanwhile... Somewhere deep in the Sub conscious of our favourite little Hyuga girl, the senate were discussing important issues that The Hinata herself had drilled into her deeper mind.

"She wants to what?!!?"

One of the lesser authorities coughed. "Become like Sakura Haruno, sir."

A soft drunken chuckling came from one of the far corners of the court.

"Thaaaat sluut? Hahaha... Haaaa.." the rest of the court either muttered with agreement or nodded silently, only to be silenced by the highest of orders, Hinata's innocence and respect. They glared down on them with eyes like cold fire and the rather small loose mouthed part of Hinata called profanity went to sulk.

"Well, should we proceed? I quite agree with profanity, however vulgar she is." Again the court murmured with agreement.

"We have little choice, it was chosen by the highest of all, Hinata herself. The court sighed and the verdict was put forward.

"Hinata would indeed become Sakura Haruno."

Tiredly opening her eyes, Hinata found herself tracing cracks that had suddenly appeared on her bedroom roof. Strange... It didn't feel like her bed at all. It wasn't until Sasuke's handsome face loomed over did she click with recognition and for some reason, felt the desire to scream out his name and declare love.

"H-hello Sasuke-kun... C-cha."

He smirked slightly, looking a little annoyed but approving. He handed her a glass of water as she sat up. Scrunching her nose, she shook away the strange echoing voices that rang inside her head, blaming it on dehydration. He sighed, glad that she was finally awake. For the past 3 hours he'd been watching her breathe, sigh and sometimes mutter a random word. He'd sworn he'd heard his name, cheese, pianos and lumpy custard. It was strange seeing someone sleep so peacefully. Whenever he went on missions, he wouldn't sleep, in fear that if he woke up screaming from a nightmare it'd give Sakura a reason to touch him. He wouldn't call Naruto and Sakura peaceful sleepers either. Naruto had a habit of moving from one place to another and one time he'd sworn once Naruto had even tried to grab his ass. Sakura on the other hand, was much worse. She would start of snoring, get louder and louder and until it was almost loud enough to feel like your head was going to explode with the vibrations she sent out, she'd make a meeping noise and then there was 5 minutes of peace, then she'd moan his name and writhe around like a squirrel with rabies, which really worried him. Infact, watching Hinata sleep was probably the most enjoyable thing he'd done in months. Sadly.

Hinata shivered. How long had she been asleep? Looking out the window, the sun was still up, but quickly falling from the sky. Geez this house was cold... and so empty, and suddenly Hinata felt unbearably lonely and began to cry. Sasuke just stared in confusion, and concern that the peaceful sleeper had just suddenly burst into tears. He sat down next to her, not really knowing what to do at all.

"Oh! S-Sasuke-san!! D-don't you g-get lonely?" Her brief sentence was finished with a squeak, the pain in her voice audible. He raised an eyebrow, this girl really was weird. Letting loose a particularly long despairing moan after which she fell onto him, bursting out in another string of hiccoughs and sniffles. He frowned, feeling the flush take victory of his face. Carefully bringing his arms around her he patted her head softly, realising for the first time how silky Hinata's hair really was. She quietened down, digging herself deeper into him and he stroked her back, calming the fretful little girl.

Rolling off him, she lolled her head this way and that, giggling softly.

"Sasuke-san! C-can I have m-more water please?"

He eased himself away from the delirious girl, flicking the lights on in kitchen to find another one of the bottled water drinks lying around his house. Finding the one he'd taken water from before he picked it up. Then froze, inching back to read the label.

_Energy Water. For the Shinobi. _

He growled in frustration, running a hand roughly through his hair. He only drank this stuff when he had missions or found it hard to sleep, ridden with nightmares and unwanted memories. Basically, it was speed, the safe, shinobi, water equivalent of speed. A strangled noise came from the back of his throat, Hinata just having woken up from a nap, would have this... Extra energy for at least 6 hours. He scowled, hearing the sound of smashing glass from another room and then a scream, dropping the water aka speed, he went to baby sit Hinata for the next few hours, fully knowing she'd be pure mischief and much more difficult to contain, being a kunoichi on a high... He sighed. This had to be a longest day he'd ever lived, maybe the most interesting as well.

---------------------

A/N for a lazy author like me, this was an insanely long chapter. More than 3,500! I think I deserve some word! (reviews) so is everything turning out okay for everyone? Still dandy and laughing? or not... yata in jap means like yay. in english i think.


	4. Chapter 4

---------------------

Sasuke frowned, poking a certain ninja that had stuck herself to the ceiling with chakra, with the end of a broom. She wiggled around, giggling and every now and then would stand up, and run into another room, which was strange considering the fact she did it all upside down and stuck to the roof. Sasuke realized that Hinata indeed had to potential to become as strong as, if not stronger than Sakura when it came to working with chakra.

He sighed, realizing that Hinata had disappeared when he'd taken his eyes of her for a few seconds. There was an inane laughing coming from his room and he growled. He found her jumping on the bed and she'd seen him walk through the door, dropping flat to the ground, she rolled under the bed and disappeared once again. Her only mistake was the uncontrollable giggling that Sasuke actually found to be quite cute.

"Hinata, please come out from under there."

She sneezed.

"Hinata please?"

She sniffled and suddenly everything went dark. Sasuke Hn'ed, pulling the old clothes that had fallen underneath his bed from his head, and suddenly Hinata was not there anymore, instead, he heard her feet padding down the hallway ceiling...

"Sasuke's Underpants!!!"

He threw his old clothes on the bed, ready to chase after Hinata before she did something stupid with his underwear. Like throw it out a window or something or wear it on her head.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

And his whole clean laundry basket of clothes went sailing out the window. Hissing and yowling erupting from outside as the clothes were squabbled over by the thousands of obsessive girls that waited outside his windows, hopeful that they might snap a few pictures to add to their collections.

Sasuke groaned, checking the time. It had been 5 hours and 59 minutes. Oh shit.

Running to the kitchen, where he heard Hinata playing with the eggs and flour, he caught her as her control slipped and she barely missed the sharp shells of smashed eggs, he also noticed her discarded pants lying with the mess of eggs and white powdery flour.

He sighed, following the many cracks on his roof to get back to the main lounge, avoiding the want to look down and find out what type of underpants she wore. He prayed to god that she was at least still wearing them, Hinata being as drunk on speed water as ever was oblivious, and sung nursery rhymes off tune, thoroughly enjoying being carried around by a sexy and exasperated male.

Sasuke decided that she'd definitely earned her fair share of punishments and embarrassments that would be coming at her. Oh boy, she'd wish she'd never been born.

---------------

Slamming down a list so long that if it was fully unwrapped it would stretch all the way to Gaara's Kazekage desk and back, he made the dazed Hyuga jumped, whimpering at the list like it had jaws and would snap her arm off if she got too close.

"Because of yesterday's accident, I want you to finish this list of to do's by 8 o'clock tonight. Other wise you sleep under my bed for a week. There's more dirty clothes for you to snuggle into for a lifetime. So get cracking, unless you want to share in on my nightly business." She gulped.

"W-What's t-that?" He smirked.

"You can always find out." Snatching the list from him. She let it roll to the floor, revealing the first a hundred or so missions for her to complete.

1 . Bring Sasuke-sama slippers. The blue ones.

Hm. Easy enough she thought, but what was with the sama? Scurrying to the front door, she opened the slipper drawer and colours of red, black, white, grey and blue spilled out, she was relieved she didn't drown in them. So grabbing a pair of blue slippers she ran back to the lounge, smiling and holding them out to him. She could prove him wrong, this wasn't so bad if the tasks weren't that hard. He raised an eyebrow.

"Are they mine?" She checked the slippers, confused. They were blue weren't they? Her sharp eyes caught the tiny initials on the sole. A.U. Okay... So it was A. Uchiha and not S. Uchiha, but did it really matter?

"D-Does it really m-matter?" He ignored her. "U-Um, Sasuke-s-sama?"

"Yes, it does." She sighed. Maybe it was going to be a long day.

Any how, after 1 and a half hours, Hinata had sorted through all the slippers, found many S. Uchiha's, but none that were S.U. and also blue. She went back to the lounge, to find Sasuke staring at the walls.

"Sasuke-sama! T-there's no b-blue slippers that have y-your initials!" He made a little turn around motion with his hand. So she did, staring at a wall she wondered what she was looking at.

"Not you, the list you idiot."

"Huh? O-Oh!" and then she found a list of clues. She frowned, she'd spent more than an hour looking in the wrong place, when it had clearly said on the back, as clear as day.

'Check under the bed.'

Tearing her eyes from a blank wall, she pointed at him.

"Why didn't you tell me!" She cried, but he just smirked.

"That's only task one, you better get going." She realized the sad truth and decided there was no time to bicker, she had a feeling that whatever Sasuke-sama did every night must've been bad. Indeed, she found the blue slippers with S.U. on them and sighed slightly relieved that there hadn't been another twist to the first mission. She presented him with slippers, two hours of scrupulous slipper hunting, finally paying off. Yet he didn't even wear them, and Hinata felt like biting his nose. That would teach him good, but there was more important things to do then have her revenge and bite his nose, such as mission no# 2.

2 . Sort slippers.

She hoped it was a hoax, turning the list over to see the hint.

Alphabetical and colour coded. She groaned. After the first five minutes, she realised she could use Hakke Rokujuyon Sho to sort 20 slippers per second, the deed was done in another 10 minutes, and when Hinata expected him to choke on his own inflated pride, he just smirked, sipping tomato juice from a crazy straw. Hinata sighed.

3 . Retrieve Sasuke-sama's clothes.

She raised an eyebrow, then flipped the list over.

- The ones you threw out the window yesterday, and then it all came flooding back, the giggling, the smashing, the underpants and absence of pants. She trudged out the door, the shame filling her face with heated flush and her cheeks a startling shade of red. Sasuke watched through the window, the tomato juice nearly gone, but never mind, his groceries were task 21. Ahhh.. Today was such a beautiful day for revenge.

--------------------

By the time the clock struck 12, Hinata had worked non stop for 4 hours already, she'd cleaned Sasuke's bedroom, replacing the dirty clothes under the bed with a clean and fresher batch of clothes, just in case she failed, which she certainly didn't intend on doing.

She'd scrubbed down all the bathrooms, cleaning at least 15 toilets, cleaned the kitchen and wiped the floor of the whole residence. A house that had more than twelve thousand pairs of slippers, belonging to feet belonging to people who used to live there, each owning individual rooms had a lot of floor to be wiped down.

Another hour passed, and Hinata had scrubbed her hands pink, doing his laundry, cleaning the deck, pulling out weeds and carrying home an extensive supply of food, totalling to 8 bags each weighing 3 kilos.

Three more hours and she'd journeyed to Suna and back to bring him a bag of sand, with three marshmallows inside. She wondered why, but alas there was no time to ask questions unless she'd want to find out what he did every night, in the not so private privacy of his room, if she failed that is.

He ordered her to buy Tomato ice cream, something she'd never heard of and doubted even existed, but the hint pointed out to her that if she couldn't find any, she would have to make Sasuke-sama some. Ironically, Tomatoes weren't in season. Infact, the only sure place they grew was in a small farm near the borders of Suna and Konoha, a discrete tiny place hidden in the densest areas of the forest. They also happened to be more than just pricey. She'd managed to scrap up every single cent she held on her person to purchase three. Just that task took 2 hours, and Hinata was beginning to panic. She was still on the first 50 tasks...

50. Walk around Konoha wearing a swimsuit. No jacket, no pants.

She whimpered, everything she'd done so far had been in her major skills. Cleaning and cooking. Never in a million years would she have the guts to do- do –do that!!

So sitting in a corner, she curled up and decided to sulk. Sasuke watched with interest, and is sipping, Still a sipping on that bust of Pallas above my chamber door. No, actually he was still lying on the couch, like he had been for the past 10 hours, his only exception to refill on tomato juice and go to the toilet.

"Hinata, do you seriously want to know what I do at nigh- "

"I don't care, go away." She grunted, she'd heard that reason come up more than a sane number of times, and it was starting to, dare she think it, piss her off.

Sasuke sighed, disappointed that she'd given up so easily. He let the flavour of tomatoes roll across his tongue, and the made a face, never thinking that he could actually grow bored of what he preferred most above all other things.

"Hinata-"

"I don't care, go away."

"Can we go grocery shopping?" He saw her head peak up in interest, and she swivelled to face him. Narrowing her eyes, she gave him suspicious glance.

"Why?"

He sighed, setting his glass of dull uninteresting Tomato juice on the floor.

"Because, I am bored, have been lying here, mostly unmoving for the last 10 hours and I'm sick of tomatoes. I feel like donuts. I want donuts."

She raised an eyebrow, confused at his childish tone and decided that shopping wasn't too bad, it was better than strutting around town half naked.

"We'll walk to the shops and back, how's that?"

She wondered what he was on about, of course they would go to the shops and back, what other way would there be able to buy donuts? ... Unless he meant...

"O-oh n-no you d-don't m-mean??!"

He smirked and nodded, flinging a small white piece of swimwear at her.

"N-no! I w-won't!" He leaned against the door, unimpressed.

"Che. I'll be there with you, stop being such a wimp." She frowned.

"Then you wear a swimsuit too." He looked at her, that 'are you serious' look written so colourfully over his usually blank face. She nodded, dead serious and flung a pair of dark swim trunks at him. He growled, snatching them from the air then slinking off to a dark room to change.

A few minutes later, after bickering and snapping of each others elastics just to annoy the other, they stepped out together, braving the chill of the night as the sun sank low below the horizon. She shivered, clinging onto Sasuke's stiff arm, stiff because he was concentrating hard on not exploding with goose bumps.

"S-Sasuke, I-I d-d-don't t-think t-his w-was a g-good idea..." Whimpered Hinata, her teeth chattering in the cold, he didn't reply, feeling too frozen to speak.

"S-Sasuke, w-we should g-go b-back." He shook his head, his unbelievable will power and determination condensed into the one short word he uttered.

"Donuts." She sighed, the sigh visible as the temperature continued to drop.

Trudging on, the duo watched the shops turn in for the night, the owners blowing out the lamps, only far and few shops still with their lights blazing bright.

Hinata leaned into the other body, feeling the tender warmth under the cold touch of his skin. Strange, how she felt so light headed right now, she felt... Happy, seeing the glowing lights just float by, slowly disappear one by one, fireflies that were being shot down by fairies... She giggled, and he watched her warily.

His skin was pretty.. It reflected the moonlight, he could've been the king of fairies for all she cared, and she wished she had wings, so she could fly like them because right now her legs felt heavy, unable to keep up with the king of fairies, who's dark head of hair swished as he flew..

Gee, how she wanted wings, right now she was so heavy.. Her legs, her eyelids, her head and all at once she felt herself melt, drooping so that the fireflies all went out, because the fairy folk launched the last attack on the front line.. Yes, the fairies won, she could even she the last firefly begin to spin, tilt this way and that and fall from the sky, like she felt herself falling.. Like a firefly.

Soft strong arms came and caught her though, before she could sink and melt into the ground. The heat that poured from them felt like it was sear her skin and she cried out.

"S-Stop i-it!" Weakly she fluttered her wings, hands beating against a solid door of moonlight skin. She felt the arms wrapped around her, dragging her further into a furnace, a deep resonating voice telling her to hang on and that it would be okay before she finally felt herself go out like a firefly.

Holding her cold body close, he sprinted as fast as he could back to the compound. He shouldn't have let her come, he should've figured out that she was sensitive to the cold, it was so obvious with that jacket of hers, so he cursed himself for not being careful, resulting in what could've been near death of his friend/slave.

He held her body closer, feeling her skin, startling colder than possible, suck warmth from his. He really had been stupid, taking her out late at night with scarce clothing really was a stupid thing to do, as expected of a stupid list, one that he himself had not written or read through. He really had been a moron...

She woke, shivering the cold sweat that slicked her skin, how feverish she felt, wrapped in blankets damp with her own perspiration. Feeling too weak to open her eyes, she felt something cold press against her lips, cool water sliding down her throat, she coughed, choking on the soothing water, but the firm hands that rubbed against her back helped her swallow.

"Shhh… Hinata, I'm sorry okay?"

Blearily, she opened her eyes, blurred vision just able to see the raw concern that shone through those dark eyes. She smiled weakly, unsticking herself from her damp sheets.

"D-did y-you get y-your d-donuts?" she rasped, her throat feeling unbelievably dry and sore. She beckoned for more water. He gave it to her and she took it gratefully. He drew something out of his pocket.

"I got these instead."

Holding a packet of flu pills out to her, they were the special orange flavoured ones. She popped one into her mouth, and swallowed, softly thanking Sasuke for his concern and trouble. He nodded, smiling the slightest and then frowned, realizing that they were still wearing bathers, he ordered her to take a hot shower, she grumbled and Sasuke carried her ill form wrapped in bed sheets to the bathroom, because she said she refused to move, unable to face the early morning chill, and she wondered how the hell Sasuke could cope wearing thin swimming trunks when it was clearly, very near, or below zero degrees temperatures.

Hearing water running from the bathroom, he was pleased to say he had done a good job. Replacing the old mattress with a heated futon and congratulated himself for being such a good care taker. It wasn't often that he had to take care of anyone other than himself, and so it had become a new goal for him.

Changing and fluffing the pillows and laying out new clean sheets he was satisfied to say that all the hours of slaving over her flu ridden body had paid off, just to see her smile weakly when she woke up. Yes, all the hours of anxious worrying as his peaceful sleeper breathed heavily and thrashed around in her sleep had paid off, because she was okay now, and he was proud of his efforts.

-----------------------------

A/N Some fluff, some ego-boosting and a lot of Hinata's tolerance. I Hope everybody enjoyed it and I hope people will give me some word. Please :3


	5. Chapter 5

Stretching like a cat, she smiled at the warm sunlight that danced on her face, turning the place behind her eyelids a heavy orange colour. She sighed, enjoying the fresh soothing scent of cinnamon and pine… Strange combination but it sure smelled good… which was strange, because her sheets never smelled like cinnamon and pine. Her eyes flying open, it became obvious to her that she certainly wasn't in her own home, or bed, or clothes…

"Morning firefly." She yelped, her first instinct to hide under the blanket that was not her own.

"W-w-who's t-there?" A deep voice laughed.

"The fairy king." She whimpered. Whoever this guy was, he sure was loopy.

"Come on Hinata, you have plenty of stuff to do today. Considering you only finished 50 of the first tasks, and it was sort of my fault we ended up here, I bringing you breakfast in bed and you hiding from me under the blanket, I've decided with much consideration, to give you an extension." Cautiously she gathered the blanket into a bundle, so she could see the world through a tiny hole that she'd left space for. A dark pupil appeared and stared straight back at her.

"Morning Hinata-chan." Throwing the blankets off, she took in a fresh breathe of air.

"S-Sasuke-san! You s-scared me!" He smirked, handing her a small flat board where he could set down all the plates.. Well, more like a large flat desk, with a buffet to boot. Hinata stared watery eyed at all the glorious food, just salivating at all the food laid out before her, it was the closest thing to paradise until she actually scooped some into her mouth and chewed. Gagging with her eyes watering for an utterly different reason she managed to choke out a few accusing words.

"S-Sa-suke! W-what on e-earth i-is t-this?!"

He looked hurt, briefly, and then receded back into being the distant brooding child that he usually was.

"Fine. My cooking needs work, I figured you'd be able to take it, Sakura can, you can too."

Hinata spat the rest of the 'food' into a tissue, one from a near by tissue box, Sasuke's mood brightened a miniscule amount. He could still do some things right when it came to taking care of a Hinata with flu.

"I d-don't believe you Sasuke-san. No one, a-and I mean no one could bear to eat this gunk."

His mood darkened considerably.

"I eat it everyday." He huffed.

"b-but yo -you're - you're S-Sasuke!" He cocked an eyebrow. Was that a compliment or not?

"Fine. I'll prove it. Get up, we're paying that annoying pink girl a visit." She barely had enough time to button up her pyjamas before Sasuke had yanked her out of bed, grabbing a curious carpet bag, he headed for that place Sakura would always be, Hinata in tow, just managing to slip on the clothes she'd worn yesterday, before the front door nearly snapped her toes off.

Hinata made a mental list of things to do:

: Bring a video camera.

: Laugh at Sakura

: Steal some of her clothes

: See what she smelled like

: Take some more notes

Hinata sighed, seemed the plan wasn't going to be as straight forward as she'd hoped. Already Shikamaru's words were being reconstructed into something like, steal Sakura's clothes, do Sasuke-sama's silly missions, and avoid Sasuke's cooking, yet somewhere among all this mess were get Naruto's attention, which sadly had not made any progress, nor gotten off the ground yet.

Speeding along, the people became a blur, yet the puzzled looks and wary glances shot at them weren't missed. Past the Hokage tower… the academy… even the ramen stand, where Hinata swore she saw a head of blonde pop out and squint at them. She sighed, thing's were getting no where at all.

Naruto had been happily sucking in ramen, eyes just happy lines, mouth like a squiggly cat mouth. He caught a glimpse of navy blue and turned around, cheeks bulging with food to yell at Sasuke-teme!!

His voice was caught in his throat before he could yell anything offensive at his block of ice friend, partly because of the ramen and partly because his slit like cat eyes had sworn he'd seen two Sasuke-temes… He frowned, wondering if maybe too much of good thing like ramen could've possibly affected his mental health or optical health. Nah… So he continued to eat.

Hinata sighed, well at least she got his attention briefly, and for some unintended reason, anything was good enough for her. Yeah…

They slowed to stop, coming to a rather peculiar house with the bricks painted pink and green. Sasuke grimaced and pressed the door buzzer inner. Hinata squinted, shielding her eyes with the arm that wasn't clasped tightly by Sasuke's hand, the colours just a little too much for a person who'd lived with white walls all her life.

"WHO IS IT?" Sasuke growled, trying as much as he could to brace himself for the voice that would soon be louder and right in his ear.

"SASUKE! I RECOGNISE YOUR GROWL ANYWHERE!" There was a buzz and a click and they walked into an even more peculiar looking hall. Every square inch of its wall packed with mirrors of different shapes and sizes. Sasuke took no notice of the hundreds of other Sasuke's that walked along side him, Hinata 'eep'ed, then realized with shame that she'd been frightened of her own reflection.

Perhaps it was the different clothing, it made her look a lot less 'huggy', as Kiba called her, more intimidating, taller even! Infact, it did make her look quite slim, and like second nature, she twisted her body to check out her own ass, wondering if her butt looked big or not.

Sasuke sighed, the changes were subtle but slowly, the moon pixie beside him was turning more and more into that banshee Sakura. Dammit Sakura, you go and screw up the most favourable girl in the village. Suddenly the mentioned girl sprung up in every mirror and Hinata shrieked, digging her face into Sasuke's side to hide from the pinkness.

"Sasuke-kun! And is that Hinata? Hi Hinata-chan!"

Hinata muffled out a sound and Sasuke stayed silent.

"Well, this way then!"

She led them to the living room, and they took a seat on the sofa. Sasuke plonked the curious carpet bag on the glass top table and there was a grunting noise and both girls eyed the bag curiously. The golden clasped clicked open, and to everyone's surprise except Sasuke's a neat stately English woman emerged. Brushing bits of food of her long skirt, she straightened her petticoat and huffed a how dare you and flew out the window with a duck handled umbrella.

"Wh-wha? S-Sasuke w-what's i-in that bag?!?" He put his hand into it the bag, patting around with a serious look on his face. Pretty soon his arm had disappeared and then his upper body as he continued to search the seemingly bottomless bag.

Sakura eyed his backside hungrily and Hinata kicked her shin, causing her to curse and look around for the culprit, Hinata acted like nothing had happened, and Sakura eventually gave up never even suspecting the shy polite little Hyuga heiress. Finally Sasuke emerged, bringing with him a video camera and the desk with a buffet included. He smirked at Hinata, face flushed and hair a few bangs astray and handed her the video camera.

"Sakura. Here." Sakura nearly fainted at the mention of her name, but choose to stay conscious, coming to the conclusion that being unconscious could make flirting a bit difficult.

"Why? What's this Sasuke?" Sasuke leaned back into the couch, shooting a glance at Hinata to answer and questions or queries.

"S-Sasuke here m-made you a c-cuisine meal, especially f-for you S-sakura." Sakura flipped her hair, blushing and giggling behind her hand, then sighed.

"I'd never thought I'd see the day… Oh Sasuke-kun, you charmer." Without wasting another second, she picked up the fork, ready to dig in, but before she could stab the first piece of luscious looking lamb, which sadly was actually Sasuke's attempt at steamed broccoli, Hinata had grabbed her wrist, a foreign twinkle glinting in her pale lavender eyes.

"You better eat a-all of it Sakura, Sasuke-san h-here stayed up a-all night." Sasuke nodded, gazing at a reflection of himself, completely lost in his own eyes until Hinata nudged him with her elbow. Inner Sakura screamed, "HELL YEAH! THIS IS GOING TO BE EASY! ALL THIS DELICIOUS FOOD! ALL MINE! CCCHHHHYYYAAAAAAA!!!!"

Sasuke focused once more and the little red light began to glow, Hinata carefully recording and zooming in with artistic ingenuity at Sakura's contorted face as she took the first bite. Inner Sasuke and Inner Hinata leaned back in their respectable comfy arms chairs to enjoy the show, munching contentedly on butter popcorn. Somewhere during that excruciating yet entertaining seven hour show, there was an intermission for potty breaks and snack bar purchases and such.

Sakura and Inner Sakura were throwing up in a baby pink toilet. Sasuke pulled out some chilled coke to drink from Mary Poppin's bag and Hinata went on an epic cloths stealing spree, passing by a suspicious room with a golden plated sign reading: Sasuke Uchiha. She made note to inspect that in the near future.

Inner Sasuke and Inner Hinata were making out, hot and heavy in the back lobby.

Then they returned to the movie, everyone grumbling as the show really was getting repetitive and quite boring, or it was torture, or maybe it had interrupted something else…

Inner Sasuke and Inner Hinata had receded back to their comfy chairs, straightening their clothes and flattening ruffled hair, cursing that the other wasn't sitting with them or on them. One or the other.

-----------------------------

Kicking open the door, it slammed itself against the wall, the doorknob sure to make a hefty dent. Sasuke growled lugging in a curious carpet bag with Hinata trailing after him.

She felt like hissing, scratching those beady green eyes out, and yet, she had no idea why, perhaps it was the high whiny voice that kept shouting 'Sasuke-kun!' ringing in her ears, or the stench of artificial rose, but other then that, she couldn't put her finger on it, which only annoyed her further, so much that she ran out the back door as soon as Sasuke had opened the front door to kaiten a thick old looking Sakura tree to woody heaven, the big furnace in the sky.

After that she felt a lot better though, exhausted and sweaty, but better. The broken and bruised petals drifting around the ground were fun to watch float around, so she stayed there until the sun began to drop, and for the first time she noticed how much Sasuke's hair was like the night sky that chased away the orange that had always reminded her of Naruto. Soon enough Mr. Night sky called her to come back in, muttering something about getting sick again.

That night, they watched re-runs of their own directed and produced movie, eating junk food way past the healthy hours of night and then fell asleep on each other, lulled to sleep by the funny noises that Sakura made when she was trying not to spew.

Somewhere across town, a worried-to-the-point-of-insane teen sat in the entrance hall, eyes pinned to the doorknob. Close to tearing his beautiful long hair out, he took another shaky sip of super strength coffee. He narrowed his eyes, glaring at anything remotely alive that was in his line of vision, without turning his head.

The rest of the Hyuga's knew it was best not to approach the genius as of now, he'd been waiting for 32 hours straight, and they had a hunch that he wouldn't be moving until the one he waited for walked through the door, and only god knew when Hinata would remember to come home, and God in high heaven who was enjoying oreos and chilled milk had a hunch that Hinata would stir up a situation when she returned the following morning, oh yeah, he was sure of it.

-------------------

A/N ahh.. Laugh Laugh! Tell me what you liked, or didn't like and unfortunaely the next update won't be for a while, 2,000+ words is a challenge to write! 3 love all my readers and reviewers. : ) if you get in early, maybe you can grab some more of that A/N love. So review! please.


	6. Chapter 6

-------------------

Swimming around in the darkness, he floated around, watching as shapes and colours began to appear in blobs, before melding together to create somewhere he could've sworn looked familiar. He felt himself being pulled down, his feet solidly resting on the ground, he wiggled his toes, testing them out.

Feeling someone squeeze his hand he realized his mother had materialized next to him, and the blurry image she was became clearer, as did her voice. Something about buying a happy bear for his birthday. She smiled and soon enough a small shopping street melted into the scenery. Walking past brightly coloured food stalls he took in the sights and the sounds, the smells of food making him nauseous with hunger, it all smelled so good!

With bright onyx eyes, he watched the world around him shiver, swirling softly before beginning to singe at the edges. He frowned and his mother began to walk faster, dragging him along, as the world of colour, light, food and good smells began to disintegrate, peoples faces melting as the orange flickering flames engulfed them, the people began to whimper and he clung tighter to his mothers hand, as the fire began to take her too, her long willowy hair puffing into choking black smoke. A particular high pitched squeak pulled him from the dream and his burning world returned to boring blank room where he'd fallen asleep. Damn. That had been a good dream, one of the less frightening ones.

Sighing, he realized that there was indeed black smoke billowing around the room, coming from the kitchen. His first thought: The faulty stove. Usually it needed some sort of provocation... Another shrill scream sounded and he realized the girl who he'd fallen asleep next to was not sleeping next to him anymore, which in turn meant Hinata must've been the one provoking the old stove... Shit.

Jumping to his feet, he growled, cursing his mind for coming to conclusions on such a step-by-step basis. He was better than that surely! He stopped thinking about thinking when he heard the heavy coughs from inside the smoky kitchen.

Sprinting round the corner, he ran into the black smog, swooping his arms around blindly to clear some of the smoke and to find the girl who'd started the commotion. He found her alright, his waving left hand slapping her squarely on the err... (butt)cheek. She squealed, and he drifted towards the sound, finding her, he swept her off the ground, carrying her out of the kitchen like she was his bride, the smoke clung to Sasuke, getting dragged out as he left the kitchen.

She coughed, and he shushed her softly, stroking her back to calm her. Damn he was getting good at this care-taker thing. Her breathing evened as the coughs died down and he set her softly to lie on the couch. Seeing the tears cling to her fluttering eyelashes her wiped them with his thumb, softly whispering a half-threat/half-reward.

"Don't make me resuscitate you."

She tried to laugh, but started coughing again, which reminded him that the lounge was starting to fill with smoke as well. He left to sort out the stove, satisfied that her pained look looked a little less pained.

Stomping into the kitchen, he cursed, waving his arms around again, hoping that he wouldn't slap another buttock on the way, because that would be annoying, and not to mention frightening at the thought yet another person, probably some deranged fan girl or even worse, the anime equivalent of Michael Jackson (Orochimaru), being in this kitchen, let alone his house without him knowing. Including the accidental lead on that they would follow if he did slap someone's butt. He shivered, he_ really_ didn't need to think about those sorts of things right now.

Instead his right hand managed to slam into the stove, it's buttons breaking off in pieces. He cursed. At least he knew where the stove was. He closed his eyes, drawing himself a picture of his kitchen inside his head, he readied himself, and delivered a kick so hard it could shatter bones right into the crotch of um... the stove. It's old body clunked, and the billowing of gas from its every pore stopped, and Sasuke gave it one more good kick, it belched out one last puff of burnt air and it was done.

The smoke clearing, he felt along the wall, finding the switch to the fan he flicked it and it all got sucked up and thrown out onto the rest of Konoha. Too bad, not his problem. What was his problem though, was that his kitchen and half of his residence was covered in soot. He grumbled. He hated cleaning.

He was still glaring hatefully at the dirty walls when Hinata walked into the kitchen, her usually clean face also smudged with soot.

"S-Sasuke? I-I'm sorry, really I a-am!! I w-was just trying to c-cook breakfast!!" He held his hand up, and her words died away before they could get out of her mouth. She expected him to scold her, so she braced herself. He turned, but his eyes were softer than usual, or maybe it was just the soot that powdered his face making him less intimidating. He was actually kind of cute. She giggled at the thought, and for a moment she thought she saw a smile. Hmm. Must be the lack of oxygen.

"Hinata, next time you fiddle with something? Ask first." She stopped laughing and nodded sternly. "The Uchiha's had a thing with explosions and fire, smoke, ash, that sort of business. Just be careful around things have tendencies to burst into flames." She nodded again, relieved that he'd apparently forgiven her, even though she felt sad for messing up in the first place.

"Personally, I hate ash and soot and dirty things. Smelly things are the worst." He grimaced and Hinata raised an eyebrow. _Nobody likes smelly things.. that's why they're smelly.._

"I-I could h-help you clean! I'm good a-at cleaning!" He looked her up and down.

"Perhaps you should get clean first." She made a silent 'o' with her mouth before dashing away to the shower, he stood there vacantly, before her head popped around the corner again.

"W-what about c-clothes?" He frowned. She had a point. He had no more clothes, usually he did have more, but they had all been sent to the Laundromat, after Hinata had retrieved them all, he'd sent them straight off, not knowing who had been touching them, they could've had some virus or disease or something, such as cooties. He certainly wasn't letting her wear her clown suit he'd first found her in, he'd throw up and get everything dirty again. Soot was preferable to spew any day.

"We'll need new ones." She nodded, a determined expression set firmly on her pretty face and then she disappeared around the corner again. Sasuke began counting the floor boards. 3 down, 7 to the left.

"Sasuke??" He looked up, squinting when Hinata was not there, but strangely her voice came from that general direction. Oh. A tiny portion of her head peeped out from the corner and Sasuke realized this must've been how she spied on Naruto. Suspiciously inconspicuous... Hm...

"Sasuke?" Sasuke snapped back to reality, and realized a little more of Hinata had appeared, the tips of her finger and most of her head, it seemed that every time he looked at her a little more of her body would appear. It was almost like a peep show! ... No! Hm...

"Sasuke!"

"Wah?!" A milky white leg appeared, and Sasuke stumbled back in shock, backing himself to the furthest wall away from the naked leg. No! Not a peep show! Bad dream! Bad dream! He breathed a sigh of relief when Hinata stepped out, dressed in Sakura's usual outfit. Oh yes... She had to wear something didn't she. Sasuke wondered if the little voice in his head was being sarcastic or not, but then decided all the smoke must've affected his brain.

"I-is it o-okay?" His eye twitched and he was rendered speechless as he checked- ahem, examined her physique. Legs were nice, but red didn't seem to suit her. Hips were nice, the red was still annoying. Tummy was nice, and bre- brea... Well they didn't look like they were meant to be there at all, they were much too large for the skimpy little dress.

"Uhm, Sasuke, I w-was thinking that we could g-go back to my p-place and I could w-wear my own clothes..." She squirmed and Sasuke tried to stop staring at Hinata's bre- brea... uh. "These are r-really u-uncomfortable..." Sasuke nodded, eye unfocused and Hinata decided that perhaps Sasuke had been born retarded, and was proned to short-term memory loss and losing sense of who he was or where he was. Hinata made note to stay close whenever this would happen, otherwise Sasuke could get hurt. Gathering courage she took his arm and led him towards the front door, explaining to him gently that she was Hinata, and that she would not hurt him and that she was a friend, when he watched her with a shocked and confused expression, a foreign shade of pink rising on his cheeks.

No worries, when Hinata was around, he would be safe, even if he was slightly retarded.

Sasuke's foggy mind registered that she'd reached the first goal, assertion, and then he couldn't seem to concentrate on anything, especially because Hinata had pressed his arm into her soft lady chest lumps. Oh boy. Sasuke vaguely wondered why he felt like this... but in the end it didn't matter, all that he knew was it felt kind of... nice.

---------------

Counting the coins that a deflated green cloth frog spewed out of its mouth, Naruto carefully counted, and re counted his coins. Hoping that miraculously another coin would appear so that he could pay for the large bowl of ramen he'd eaten, but his frog purse was slim, after the previous 14 bowls... The shop keeper growled at him and he looked up, laughing nervously.

A flash of familiar red caught his eye and he turned around to yell out to his beloved Sakura-chan how much he loved her so.

"SAKURA-CHAN! I LOVE YOU!!"

Hinata pinked, Sasuke growled and Sakura stood in front of her many mirrors, pinching a foreign piece of flab that had appeared on her chest. 'What the hell is this? ... Oh well, looks like I need more exercise...'

Naruto blinked, and blinked again. It seemed that Sakura had gone pale, almost like a ghost and strangely Sasuke hung on to her, limp and flapping in the wind like a piece of paper printed with Uchiha symbols. His brows furrowed and he scratched at the whisker marks on his cheeks.

There could only be one explanation for this strange anomaly... Sasuke bastard had drugged Sakura so that she would love him and ignore the handsome, well built, love god that was himself and then Sakura had drugged Sasuke and then abducted him so that she could perform reverse rape without knowing Sasuke bastard was evil and that she was really heavily under the use of mind altering drugs...

That or he really needed to cut down on how much ramen he consumed... nAaaAHHhh...

Running off in the direction he'd seen Sakura-chan's beautiful nymph body fly off in, he ignored the angry rambling of the cheated shop keeper that became smaller and smaller behind him. HE MUST SAVE SAKURA-CHAN!!

---------------------------------------

"She's coming!"

Whispers ran through out the halls and down the corridors, the shuffling of thousands of feet were heard for a moment, and then silence.

One pair of eyes, with heavy bags the colour of soot beneath them, watched the doorknob, all his muscles tensed, she was coming, he could feel it.

Thousands of other eyes, peeked out from corners, nooks and crannies cautiously watching the obsessive genius, all holding their breaths for the moment he would snap.

Hanabi, crouched on the floor and around a corner, and fumbling with her pockets, managed to get a hold of her camera phone. With great difficulty she brought the phone in front of her, elbowing a few people who uttered soft ow's and aimed its focus on her cousin. Only a matter of time...

------------------

Slowing to a stop at the front door, she almost collapsed on the steps. Leaning on the door frame, Hinata sucked in a long secession of short breaths. It was extremely difficult to move, let alone breathe after you've sprinted half way across town via roof tops pulling a devilishly handsome retarded person behind you with tight red material restricting your lungs from taking in the oxygen needed for such a routine exercise. She glanced at Sasuke, the strange far away look floating on his face, she was sure he had something that would fix her problem...

She pulled him closer, reaching one arm behind him feeling for the pouch that he kept all his weapons in. He stiffened on contact.

'Surely it has to be back here somewhere...'

------------------------

Naruto walked slowly, eyes squinted, a small frown wrinkling the whiskers on his face. He couldn't see red anywhere.. Or smell the familiar rose that usually trailed after her... So he decided to walk around aimlessly, perhaps he'd find something fun to do. Or something that would help with his constant squinting..

Walking past the Hyuga compound he held his breath. Not that he'd ever admit it, but he believed in ghosts, and was terrified of them, and the Hyuga household was as bad as the Uchiha compound, if not worse.

He shivered, the mental picture of the Hyuga elders towering above him and enclosing him in a small tight circle, they're seemingly blank eyes flaring, the spidery veins around their eyes creeping up every now and then... it sent shivers down his spine.

He tried to shake the mental image away, and as the Hyuga elders dissipated in a comical fashion, he caught a glimpse of an awkwardly out of place Uchiha symbol. It looked like Sasuke, but kind of... not like Sasuke??

Naruto scrunched his nose, three things were wrong with the Sasuke imposter.

One, it was dirty, and the real Sasuke couldn't even stand squashed bugs. Naruto had found this out quite painfully when he managed to catch a fly, he'd smushed it in the process, and not knowing to do with the wiggly white muck, he wiped it on the nearest thing to him, Sasuke. Naruto chuckled nervously, details he decided he didn't want to remember blooming like black and blue bruised flowers...

Two, Sasuke looked like he was itching his butt, or groping it and Sasuke would never do that! At least not in public, especially not in front of the Hyuga, they were conservative people, meaning both Sasuke and the Hyuga. He scoffed, laughing inside at that one time when he plotted with Sakura to make Sasuke take his T-shirt off, of course it never worked.

Three, Sasuke didn't wear red. Red...

RED!!!!

--------------

"Ah ha!" Shouted Naruto, pointing with his finger at the turned Uchiha.

Sasuke snapped to attention, the sound of Naruto's obtrusive voice pulling him back into reality. Gently shoving Hinata off, he turned, pulling a kunai from his pouch, discretely hidden beneath his T-shirt, and prepared for the predictable head first charge.

Yoink! And the kunai was gone, Hinata happily slicing away at the red material with small satisfying rips. Sasuke shrugged, plucking another weapon from the pouch.

The stupid blonde charged, screaming with all his might, and a few Hyuga servants on the far side of the residence peaked their heads in interest, wondering where the bellowing sound came from and why.

Sasuke smirked off-handedly, ready to block and counter. Naruto's movements were always so obvious...

And then Naruto stopped his rampage, and his knife hand fell limp by his side, blood slowly trickling down is face. Sasuke cocked his head in confusion; he hadn't even touched the blonde moron, so why was he acting so weird? He followed Naruto's gaze and met with Hinata's back, she was jiggling the door knob, trying to get in, the tips of her ears pink.

Apparently she cut a little too much off the restricting red dress..

Sasuke, being as sharp as he was, scuffed his sandal on the steps, sending a sprinkle of dirt into Naruto's gaping eyes, served the pervert right. How dare he treat Hinata that way! Especially since it would unravel what little confidence and assertion he had helped her build up.

The pervert cursed, dropping the kunai to the ground, to rub at his eyes, and stop the blood that trickled out of his nose. Sasuke closed his eyes, slipped between Hinata and the door, held her close and bumped the door open.

The moment Naruto looked up would be one that would haunt him for a lifetime. Thousands of curious ghostly eyes peered at him, but one pair stood out, the veins lining their eyes next to exploding and a booming voice made Naruto's legs turn to jelly and his bladder wobble.

"YOU!" The wrath of Neji had come upon Naruto, and the blonde kitsune ran for his life. Neji followed close behind him ready to break balls, bones and to decapitate that boy that **must've **been responsible for the absence of his dearest little cousin.

The Hyuga household watched their genius disappear into a maze of streets, his perfect hair astray and standing on end, like a maddened porcupine. There was a silence, as the distant screaming faded away and then...

The halls and rooms and gardens of the Hyuga household literally exploded with laughter. Every member of the clan within viewing distance of the commotion fell like bowling pins, cackling as they rolled on the ground, holding their stomachs and feeling like their laugh box would explode. Sasuke took this opportunity of distraction to swiftly take his T-shirt off, and slip it over Hinata, covering her vulnerable chest, and protecting her from the exposure of embarrassment. Unfortunately for him, the reason he refused to take his T-shirt off would be finally be revealed.

"Enough."

The laughing died away, and all guilty of the raucous behaviour scurried off, Hanabi snapped her camera phone shut and disappeared. Soon the long hall was empty, just a rather pissed off looking Hiashi standing at the end, held in front of him was a wicked looking cane.

"Hinata, explain yourself."

She bowed cautiously in respect, hoping that the polished stick would not come crashing over the back of her neck.

"Father, I --"

"Hinata, you have disgraced our clan, you have made us look like fools, I have the right mind to disown you, you weak, good for nothing daughter of mine, I --"

"Father, you have not let me explain!" Hiashi clenched the cane, and Hinata clapped her hands over her mouth, realizing the mistake of her outburst. Sasuke watched carefully, stepping forward to nudge the small of Hinata's back, a soft encouragement to continue.

She shot a nervous glance at him and the look in his dark eyes pushed her on, turning back to the ominous aura of her father, she gulped.

"Father, I have been training with Sasuke-san," Hiashi's eyes narrowed, his face a hardened alabaster statue. "I have been training to – to become a better sh-shinobi, and a stronger p-person. I apologize if my a-absence has w-worried you o-or a-any other p-p-person." A few snickers were heard in the room next door, but they were silenced quickly when Hiashi growled.

"Boy, come here." He pointed at Sasuke with the evil cane, and Sasuke reluctantly met Hinata's father's eyes, and realized Hinata must've extremely brave to be able to face this every day. Sasuke walked as confidently as possible when your legs become cooked noddles. His arms folded across his chest, and he felt the small push Hinata's hands gave him. A smile flickered, but was replaced with a deep-set scowl that was prepared previously for Hiashi. (cooking show!)

------------------------------

With a poof, the shadow next to him disappeared. A mad Hyuga spitting out the smoke in his mouth, he roared, and the twelve Naruto's left started to sweat, not good! Not Good!! Eleven of the original three hundred diverged, the twelfth Naruto already caught, and yelped frightened, as Neji tried to yank it's blonde hair off, it disappeared with a poof, and the smoke slipped through Neji's clenched fist.

Naruto watched himself be hunted down once again and he began to pray for his life, not good! Not Good!!

------------------------

A/N Honestly, 3k words each chapter?! My lazy fingers have typed themselves to bloody little stumps, xD woo! Woo!!! I give myself a hug for my effort :D Also another thing, If you, as a reader think the story drags and that I'm making things happen to slowly, poke me into the butt or something, that's sure to get me riled and less lazy than usual. Anyway, I hope you lawl'd :)

...sad hmm, when Sasuke dreams


End file.
